She

She is the source of the air I breathe, the sun that lights my days.
She is the moonlight that lulls me to sleep each night.
She is my life.

The trees that adorn this earth are truly green only because she exists.                            The sky is blue because her spirit gives it its perfect hue.                                                 She is my world.

She is the reason that each star shines through infinite darkness.
She is the energy that moves it all in perfect unison.
She is my universe.

She is my love eternal-

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The Desperately InLove Housewife

She kisses my still sleeping face good bye as she leaves to take on the day.

She’s off to bring home the bread, I guess I should rise and make it.

Laundry needs to be done, the pile waits for me with a look of neglect.

I grab the things she left at the foot of our bed.

Her sweet scent lingers in the clothes she wore the previous day.

A warm emotion flows through me, I believe in the power of pheromones

And her’s are more powerful than any.

I put on her shirt to feel her near me as I work.

The time for her to get home seems to come too slow now.

 

Busy is the name of the game. Dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping.

I know that the word used to describe those of us tasked with these chores is “desperate” but me, I’m just “desperately in love” and I love doing these things for my family, for my love.

With pride I buzz around the house taking care of things I know will make things cozy for them all.

 

Time to make dinner, she’ll be home soon.

There’s just enough time, I run to the market, grab fresh ingredients and a beautiful bouquet just for her.

The kids won’t be home tonight, romantic candle light kind of night.

 

I greet her as she walks in the door after a long day at work. Flowers gallantly displayed as the centerpiece to her candle light surprise. She takes me into her arms and with a passionate kiss I know she knows I’ve been thinking of her with love. In all that I do and everything that I am, desperately in love with her, I give. With happiness in my heart and fulfillment in my soul, I take on the role of wife. With pride I pamper her and make her feel every aspect of who she is to me…

My Wife, My Queen-

The Proposal

It was a cool evening, a perfect 68° degrees outside when she asked me out for a walk. And as we walked we carried on a sweet conversation about our busy days and how we both look forward to moments such as these. She is my favorite form of decompression after a long and hectic day. We walked along the sidewalk in a familiar path toward the gazebo that quietly sits atop the gardens across the street from the home we share. She asked if we could sit and chat for a bit. I noticed the flickering light and felt we were walking into someone else’s quiet time, so I tugged at her for us to go back. Something slowly built up around my heart as she gently continued to pull my hand telling me to go on. “It’s ok,” she said. As we got closer I came to recognize the candles from our “Zen” room. I thought, “Sweet as always” here she was surprising me with another date night. She pressed ‘play’ on the already cued player and our song began serenade us. I had to fight back the tears even then but little did I know. She talked to me about forever, talked about our forever. She asked if I ever doubted that she has always known what she wanted. I told her how my only doubts came from recognizing how amazingly rare she is, how I felt humbled by the thought that she would chose plain little old me. I nearly lost all feeling in my legs as I saw her kneeling down before me. I honestly think I forgot to breathe. She told me she never again wanted me to doubt for one second that I am what she’s wanted and the one she wants to be with forever. And with those words she simply said, “Will You Marry Me.”  I did forget to breathe and in that moment I couldn’t make myself remember how. I couldn’t even speak and so, I cried. Quiet tears made their way down my face and in a whisper I finally said, “Yes!” She slipped a ring on my finger, I buried my face in her neck, and for what seemed like forever we held each other tight.

It was a little while before we made our way back home. I hadn’t even thought of what my ring looked like. I was still trying to get feeling to return to my legs and get back to breathing normally, when we finally made it home. She said the ring was a very special one and so we sat down as she introduced me to my new sparkly friend. She is a custom, hand-made, ebony beauty with pearl inlay and solitaire diamond in the center. I fell in love. I fell in love with this ring that made me feel so special and fell in love with her all over again for thinking so highly of me that she would go to such lengths. I feel loved and now I get to spend the rest of my life showing her the same. Here is to a lifetime of love!

Till next time…I’m off to plan a wedding!

Indescribably Her’s

Her spirit is as gentle as the echo of a whisper

her presence as commanding as the roar of a thousand lions.

She speaks volumes without uttering a single word

and in half a smile she’s hooked you in.

The strength of who she is holds no measure

with wisdom as rare as the bluest of moons

to know her is to know the feel of a long and warm embrace

and to be loved by her goes beyond the expression of any words.

She touches you and you are lost

Unrecognizable to anyone, you melt into her beckoning

And with the sweetest glance she owns you

Whatever the price to be her’s is what you’ll pay.

Her gaze is striking and yet it is ever so sweet

She has no need for superfluous expressions

What she must say is expressed quite clearly

In the simple gesture of her reaching for you.

And so to her you go, sliding into her grasp

your composition changing, however slowly,

you meld into her soft authority and in that act

you have become what she orchestrated you to be.

Indescribably her’s….

My Kind of Day

**An experiment in the art of description**

Much to do today! Work that requires little physical activity but a great deal of exercise, of the mind. A quiet coffee house, a cozy table. Rain drops on the window remind me, there is a world carrying on outside this sanctuary. Hot cup of tea is my comforting companion. My laptop is my partner in crime. Together we take the day to the depths of purpose and productivity. My industriousness has a soundtrack that keeps the beat of the pace at which I accomplish total concentration; Of Mice and Men, Gotye. Hard not to find your groove in that. And so I work. Work until I am reminded of time. Ah!..the world outside the rain washed window beckons once again. My eyes blink in a flutter as they adjust to the reality of the bustle going on around me. And so I pack up and go. Till next time-

Still…

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I still labour to catch my breath as I feel you enter the room.
And I still,
Still get butterflies every time you reach for my hand
And even still,
Does my heart skip a beat when you draw me into your arms.
And so still,
Still I recognize how lucky I am to have found you when I did.
And ever still,
Still will I love you as you were meant to be loved…
unconditionally still.

In Memoriam

Another Valentine’s day has gone by and so I found it a perfect time to write about something that has been on my mind for some time. One of the experiences in my life that has served as a catalyst for my rededication to writing and a motivator for starting this blog. On March 28, 2008 I met someone that truly changed the ENTIRE course of my life. I had a typical life and lived in the typical soccer mom world. I baked cookies for my kids, I prepared orange slices for little league games, volunteered for almost every cause there was…I even taught Sunday school. And on that pivotal day in March, I fell in love with a woman. Having to face the reality that I could feel such an attraction for someone of the same sex was daunting enough but what came soon after jarred me to my core. I did not want this! I did want to want her, I did not want to walk away from a perfect life, a perfect marriage. I ever so desperately did not want to be gay! My attraction was inescapable though and the grip she had on me was unlike ANYTHING I have ever known. I was lost. How can I deny this feeling but how dare I even consider walking away from my perfect life? How can I disrupt the life that I built for my children? How dare I even think of affecting their lives in such a way? For every ounce of doubt and guilt that I felt she gave me strength in my desire to examine who I really was and what kind of life was most genuine. Truth be told, I always felt out of place. In a stepford kind of world I felt I stuck out like a sore thumb. I resisted my feelings and fought my curiosity to no avail. One day she kissed me and in that kiss I became me. Like born for the first time but having the capacity to recognize it as that. A new birth. The sun seemed brighter, the leaves on the trees were greener and the breeze I use to barely notice made my skin tingle constantly. I felt as if my senses were awakened for the first time. Like I had never really looked at things before or felt or smelled anything until then.  I fell desperately and madly in love with her. I lost myself in the euphoria of it all and didn’t realize what was happening. I was so caught up on the intricacies of balancing my need to safeguard my children from any kind of pain and allowing myself to indulge in what I was feeling that I just didn’t see it happen. Each day she took liberties I never gave permission for. She became more comfortable in that the way I loved her left a space for her to do her will. I was blind and full of wonder at the person I saw past that which she presented. I dare say I knew her better than she knew herself. I think she feared that and in turn feared me. Her fear turned into something much uglier. She was hurtful, harsh, cruel and mean. She hurt me in ways that are much harder to repair. Sometimes I actually rather she’d just hit me. A bruise eventually goes away but what she did remains. I never meant to give away so much of myself. Never meant to entrust her with that kind of power. When I finally gained an ounce of clarity after dealing with one last betrayal, I walked away almost three years after I met her. I started a new normal, me, my real self and my kids. Time went by and regardless of the hell that I lived through with her, thoughts of her haunted me still. Damn it if I didn’t STILL love her. I hated myself for loving her more than I could ever hate her. I couldn’t understand why or how I could still love her. She plagued my mind. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t work. The thoughts that overpowered me were filled with sadness at the realization that our lives could have been great. I loved her genuinely and was truly devoted to her. If she had been humane in any way, we could have…well, those thoughts honestly aren’t worth finishing. The reality was that she wasn’t. She didn’t, she chose not to, she couldn’t. I struggled with this internal battle much longer than I care to admit. When my head finally came down off that cloud I barely recognized myself. I got angry enough to shake myself back to reality and never look back.  I had learned to begin again before and so I was not afraid to do it once more. It took some doing but I was determined. I vowed to be alert to who I am and be faithful to myself in that. I am a new person now, stronger and much more in tune to what makes me who I am. I am surprised at some of the things that I am honest with myself about and I am enjoying discovering new facets of what makes me “Me.” So on the day after Valentine’s day I release what was left of that past that so forcedly tried to remain part of my present. I let go of the wounds that so harshly scarred my heart to make room for what I genuinely deserve.

Truly Yours, Trulyliz.